Red flags and comments.
And actions.
And you wouldn’t-
You wouldn’t.
You wouldn’t listen.
You wanted me to be independent.
You wanted me to be dependent.
You wanted me to be a dependent independent.
Panic.
So I stopped because I was not happy.
I was happy and then I was not.
So I stopped.
Because red flags and comments.
Because you made me feel bad.
Because I wanted to stop.
Even if you did not want me to.
ANGER.
Panic.
Crying.
You cried. But you were angry.
Red flags and comments.
“You’ve made a mistake,” you said, you told, you threatened.
And for the next two days you were at my door.
And so for the next two days, I couldn’t leave.
I couldn’t leave my house.
I couldn’t leave my house.
And it scared me.
It scares me.
I am strong, I am tough, but I did not want this.
You were stronger, larger, angrier.
And you did not listen.
Red flags and comments.
Emails and texts and notes.
But on the third day you left.
On the third day – breath.
But you did not forget.
And 6 months later I received a text.
Scared. Panic.
“You need me,” it read.
“You need me.”
But I did not.
I did not need you.
I did not want you.
I did not reply.
But I was scared.
And I couldn’t breathe.
And it was because of you.
Panic.
You are overjoyed now, because we share a class.
We share a class.
You stare, you laugh, and when you smile at me, the glint in your eye is angry.
Scared.
Panic.
Red flags and comments.
Red flags and comments.
Panic.
Now you’re always in the corner of my eye.
Out of sight but not out of mind.
I try and tell, I try and tell.
But I feel silly, pointless, and small.
You make me feel silly, pointless, and small.
And I wonder if you know.
I wonder if you know that you are the sick that seems constantly stuck in my throat.
My mother thinks that even if you go now, you will be back.
“They’re always back.”
She knows.
All women know.
Red flags and comments.
In the European Union alone, one in three women has experienced physical and/or sexual violence since the age of 15; one in five women has experienced stalking; every second woman has been confronted with one or more forms of sexual harassment (European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights). The only way to stop the aggression, is to denounce the aggressors. Break the silence. Break the silence protecting them and be as loud and proud, or quiet and cunning, as you feel you can be and remember – we are all courageous in our own ways.
